


but i just couldn't say it out loud

by sicsempertyrannis



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M, SO, this is how i want a scene in 15x19 to go, you know what this is an aftermath of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27507010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sicsempertyrannis/pseuds/sicsempertyrannis
Summary: A conversation between Sam and Dean in 15x19, based off of promo pics.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 12
Kudos: 125





	but i just couldn't say it out loud

**Author's Note:**

> how i want that promo pic from 15x19 to go, where sam and dean are sitting on the steps drinking beer. and yes, the title is from a richard siken poem :)

Sam and Dean were sitting on the steps in the bunker, both nursing beers. Jack was somewhere, dealing with Cas’ death the only way he could. For all that he loved the kid, Dean couldn’t bring himself to go comfort him. He rested his head against the cool stone of the wall behind him, feeling as if he could just slip right through.

Sam’s voice phased into existence. “…I didn’t even get to watch her leave. There was so much time we didn’t have,” Sam said in a strained voice. Memories of motels long gone and a grieving brother flitted through Dean’s mind, the fear of having to look out for Sammy after Jess’ death.

“I know what you mean,” Dean replied, head still tilted back. “Watching Cas—

“It’s not the same,” Sam said, anger breaking into his voice. “Losing Jess, losing Eileen. It’s not the same.”

Silence pervaded for a moment after, and Dean bent his head to look at the beer bottle between his legs. A bead of condensation dripped down, forming a ring of wetness on the floor. He remembered how wet his face had been in the moments after, how he was still fighting back the tears.

“What if I said it was?” Dean asked, not daring enough to look up. Despite the steps in between them, Dean could feel his brother stiffen.

“What?”

“I know you heard me. It’s the same.”

A shift next to him, fabric sliding against concrete. Dean didn’t turn. “Did Cas—Did he say something?”

Dean nodded.

“Did you say anything back?” Sam’s voice was hesitant, but Dean could hear the kernel of hope within it. He and Sam had never truly talked about Cas was to him, but there were too many times when Dean felt Sam’s lingering stare in all his interactions with Cas.

“There,” Dean’s voice caught. He cleared his throat. “There wasn’t enough time. Cas was there, and then he wasn’t. And, no offense dude, but I’m not talking about this with you before I talk to Cas.”

“We’re getting him back?”

“Of course we’re getting him back.” For the first time since they had sat down, Dean turned to look at his brother. Reality—or whatever it was to them at this point, with Chuck controlling the world and all—broke, and Sam 15 years ago was superimposed on his giant of a brother now. Sometimes it felt like all they ever did was lose the ones they love. “Eileen, too.”

Ever since they had met, Cas had done so much for them. No, who was he kidding? Cas had done so much for _Dean_. He had been hunted, rebelled, tortured, killed. Cas was someone who had spent his life, all millions and millions of years of it, existing for others. Where once had been despair deep within Dean’s bones, now there was just an aching feeling. He had hope. Sam and Dean were going to get Cas back, and for once in his life, Dean was going to let himself speak.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in five minutes. if supernatural decides to backtrack and be cowards i am literally going to rewrite the script for the last two episodes so if you see this exact dialogue/blocking pop up later... mind your business. i'm blacksailsnby on tumblr if you'd like to come theorize about the next two episodes with me :)


End file.
